Elizabeth Keeney–With today’s mass media focused on the promotion of beauty, it is inevitable that the public has become more and more self-critical regarding their own superficial qualities, in comparison to beautiful and often photo-shopped idols. Tabloids scream at checkout lines with the latest plastic surgery ‘hit and misses’ for Hollywood’s celebrities. Heavily promoted reality TV programs focus on plastic surgery with great melodrama. One reality TV program, aired on E! in 2010 called Bridalplasty, hosted 12 women to compete for the perfect wedding, as well as their dream plastic surgery procedure; something old, something blue, and something new—including a new face perhaps.
Janine Kritschgau–I used to be very agitated with students for not supporting our newspaper in its earlier form: The Blöphish. We started out this year with three seniors, a terrible website, and an extremely uninterested Student Body. I took it kind of personally, to be honest. I was so excited about the activity that I wrote my first article for The Blöphish while in 8th grade, about the all school musical, The Music Man. So you can imagine my disappointment when I became an editor as a Junior and could finally see the reader stats on our website… yikes. But in the end, Spencer, Brian, and I have led you all into a little trap. You LOVE the Aardvark Dig (we’ve got 15,372 hits and counting). But guess what: we are still the same activity. We have the same sense of humor as we did on The Blöphish. The biggest thing that changed was our web design!
Patrick McVee–Here’s my take on finals (un-publishable complaints have been redacted ).
Finals [redacted]. Life is [redacted]. I’m [redacted] Honors Biology final. I’m so [redacted]…. [redacted] is going to be [redacted] if [redacted].
[redacted]. I [redacted] but [redacted] strawberries [redacted]. Deri Bash [redacted]… [redacted] the CIA.
Fellas and females,
The school year is ending, meaning less and less articles from us over the Aardvark Dig. I know that has to be all of your main concerns, so I thought I would get that out of the way as I know the tears are already flowing. I know many of you see me as a mother in a way, here to help you with homework, bring apple slices to your soccer games, basically raise you all as you are my own. Because of this, I do not ask much out of all of you, just that you respect your father and I sufficiently. You will all do just fine on your finals, I promise, and even if you don’t and pull the “Bradley Crislip Grade” on your humanities final, two years later you’ll still be looking at some pretty good colleges, as long as you like “Wyoming Community College.” Just kidding, even if you pull the infamous “Bradley Crislip Grade,” you’ll still be getting plenty of good opportunities to look at colleges, trust me, because believe it or not, I, your mother, once got that grade. DON’T WORRY GOOD LUCK GUYS!
Katherine Malueg– “Reserved for the Boss” reads an 8 ½ by 11 sign picturing Americana rocker and working-class hero Bruce Springsteen jammin’ on his guitar, posted outside above a parking spot at Sock It to Me headquarters in southeast Portland. It’s for none other than the super hip sock company’s founder and “El Presidente,” Carrie Atkinson.
Holly Langely–“Sit still James!” A much younger and innocent version of myself says to my little brother. “You have to be still so I can put this bandage on your foot to make it better!” He had trodden on a piece of Lego and is crying on the floor of our cream carpeted bedroom. The colorful piles of Lego pieces strewn across the floor surround James’ model like a wall of protection. Sunlight shines through the lightly draped window, only to make the small beads of water rolling down his cheeks glisten with pain. Hating to see him in such discomfort, I knew immediately that I must help him. “Doctors put bandages on people when they are hurting,” I think to myself, “so I should put a bandage on James’ foot, then he can stop hurting, too.”
Janine Kritschgau–There is no feeling quite like the feeling of finishing a final. It’s a sensation that washes over the body, flooding the spirit with relief and happiness. Unfortunately, that feeling of bliss comes at a steep price. I don’t have to tell you about all the stress and anxiety surrounding any sort of assessment- let alone one that lasts for two hours and is followed by five others. But look at the bright side. It’s almost summer vacation! Here are some bits of advice to tide you over.