Department Offices, Ranked

by Abe Asher

Each department at OES has its own unique feel and personality, and we cherish and love them all.

I’ve had the distinct privilege of failing tests in the language and math offices, among other achievements, and before we start with the list, it’s important to know that this is much more a critique of the offices themselves than the teachers who inhabit them. Here we go.

1. History

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The OES-Arbor Connection

by Lewis B.

This year, six of the freshman class came from Arbor, making OES the most popular school for the Arbor class of 2014. But why is OES the top school for Arbor alumni? According to Maxwell P., the answer is “because good.”

Annika L. has a more intelligible response. She says “I chose OES because it is similar to Arbor and the people are nice.”

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Roz’s CliffsNotes: Great Expectations

By Roz S.

It’s the time of year again: second semester, when Seniors lose motivation as fast as service learning forms, Juniors slowly realize that their schedule is frankly impossible, Freshman are… presumably just peddling along, and Sophomores are starting Great Expectations. As the first Dickens book many students have ever read, this presents an interesting challenge to most Sophomores; namely, staying awake long enough to absorb the plot. Dickens was paid by the word, you see, so it’s a terrifically long book, an arduous journey of superfluous sentences and meandering tangents. But never fear, readers, because I’m about to drop some wicked cliffsnotes on you. That’s right, folks– I remember the entire story, word for word. Welcome to Roz’s summaries, and take notes.

Chapter 1:

We meet our protagonist, Pip. Pip lives in the English marshland with his abusive older sister and her husband, because both of his parents are dead. What, did you think you were going to read a Dickens story without a tragic orphan? Are you taking this seriously? I can’t help if you don’t take this seriously.

Anyway, Pip meets a convict of the prison galleys while he is hanging around in the town graveyard, (presumably in an attempt to take some sick selfies next to the gravestones) and is threatened into providing the starving man with food from his sister’s pantry.

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The Patriots’ History Of Cheating

by Jack S.

After the New England Patriots’ 45-7 win over the Colts in the AFC Championship game something else came into the spotlight. And to no surprise, it was another instance of their being accused of cheating. Like most of the time, it was proved to be true.

What the Patriots did was under-inflate their footballs, making them easier to catch and throw. But that hasn’t been their only scandal on the field in the past two decades.

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Second Semester Senior

by Liam W.

With this week being the first of the second semester, I have decided to write a bit about the phenomenon known as “second-semester seniors”, or SSS’s for those who have already even gotten too lazy to speak in full words.

Since the notion started becoming a real idea to the senior class, it has become custom that anytime anybody says the words “second-semester senior” or something of that order, a large fraction of our grade instinctively lets out primal cheers and about 68% of our class will raise either their right or left hand for a high-five to whoever is sitting or standing near them (polls have shown that most of us are, in-fact, righties, however, with all of the free-time on our hands this semester, perhaps some of us will take up the other hand as well).

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Boys Varsity Basketball Update

by Petie W.

IM1

This year’s Varsity Basketball team is looking solid. I have been to a few games and of course we are missing star player Emerson L. who we could use very much. He is on a Rocky Balboa-like training regimen.

Emerson wakes up early in the morning and runs through Portland until he makes it to the top of a large staircase and then dances around at the top. Although he is not a heavyweight boxer from Philadelphia referred to as the “Italian Stallion,” the parallels between the two are undeniable.

But here is an uplifting quote from Emerson: “Everybody’s development is coming along, especially my man Jimmy L. He’s really become a dashing young man on and off the court.”

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Humans of OES: Part 1

Jaime O’Dell, French teacher.
Jaime O’Dell, French teacher.

by Whitney W.

Whitney: “What was your favorite childhood memory?”

O’Dell: “I lived in Florida and my dad was a part of an aviation club. When we had father-daughter day, he would fly us to a little goofy restaurant. Because the landing was on a grassy strip, we would land and bump, bump, bump, bump. The first time we went, I didn’t say anything; I was just hanging on. Then we would fly back to Orlando [and land] on a smooth strip, and I said to him, ‘That was a much better landing, Daddy. That was much better.’”

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The Not-So Standing Ovation

by Elie D.

People pour through the doors dropping their backpacks every which way and tripping over someone else’s pack as well. Laughter drips from smiling mouths as everyone chatters about their day. Snack is set up and it’s a mob scene trying to reach it, typical teenage kids ravenous after every hour.

People settle into their designated grade area, lumped together in friend groups and subtly trying to use their phones or do forgotten homework.

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Again!?

Screen Shot 2015-01-21 at 10.33.16 AM
Still from the “dirty dancing” section of 2014’s Best Dance evaR promotional video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53Zg8dOGfm0

by Patrick M.

OES’s dance promotional videos have a problem.

Student Council produces, publishes, or at least sanctions videos to be shown in gathering to announce school dances. The videos, after describing the time and location of the dance, feature a series of dance rules: no alcohol or drugs, you can’t leave once you come back, no PDA, and no “grinding”, or dirty dancing.

Why is it, though, that the recurring joke of the last two is that the participants are both men?

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