by Isabella W.
A categorization of all college tours ever:
Having just returned from infinity amount of college tours on the East Coast with my father I learned two things:
1) Never drive 8000 miles with your father without a gps system
2) I can give a college tour at a numerous amount of colleges (and you can too with this choose your own adventure story!)
1: You’re in the car listening to Jessie Mccartney while your father gets mad at you because he only uses Google maps and you are too lazy to use Google maps instead of the normal iphone maps app. You pull into the small town of [insert town name] where it is 8 degrees. Noting that you have ten minutes until your tour starts you choose to:
A: Go to that small Starbucks across the street and grab a quick cup of coffee to get you through.
B: Go straight to the school and wait awkwardly in the hall among a gazillion students and their nervous parents.
IF YOU CHOOSE A: You arrive at [Insert college name here]. The barista at Starbucks got really confused by your order and ended up making you a triple venti birthday cake frappucino with espresso that took ten minutes to make so now you’re late!!! You have to run to catch up with the tour and frantically arrive at the back of a mass of people in thick coats, out of breath, but it’s okay because the tour guide is still talking about the 785959300394 extra curricular activities they do.
IF YOU CHOOSE B: You get there early and sign in and sit in complete silence only punctuated by someone with a cold and a parent coaching their child on the best questions to ask.
2: Your tour guide is the friendliest person you’ve ever met. They have already given four tours yet somehow has the energy of someone who has just digested eight Redbulls. They start the tour by saying, “Okay, I’m gonna be walking backwards so let me know if I’m about to trip over something—it has happened!” and then parents giggle.They talk for an endless amount of time about an eight to one student faculty ratio, a blue light safety system (which actually seems highly ineffective but whatever), how sweet their library is, how study abroad is awesome, how the dorms may be quite small yes, but it’s worth it, because then you make even better friends! They will for sure talk about the thousands of extra curricular, clubs, and fun events they have planned and will linger on some fun all campus event that in reality maybe two people go to. They’ll probably say, “The freshman fifteen is real here” and then laugh to themselves. The tour will end when the tour guide says, “I choose to come here because I love the community and the people and the school!” which is fairly obvious but, hey, at least it’s over.
Now you choose to:
A: Follow the mob to the info session.
B: Ditch the info session and hit the town with your parent.
IF YOU CHOOSE A: You suffer. You sit in a small plastic seat as somebody explains the admissions process twenty times and what makes [insert College name here] special. A kid in the back raises his hand and asks if he can triple major (Side note: this did actually occur). Someone else asks about the difference in early decision. You worry that you haven’t spent every moment since birth training for the college admission process and that you have yet to become president of the United Nations and teacher of eight university classes like the kid next to you. You leave the info session and fall asleep in the safety of your own car for the next four years, deciding to join the circus instead of attend college.
IF YOU CHOOSE B: You’ve mastered the game. You go get a cookie or ten and swear to never go on another college tour ever again (which you will promptly break the next day). Still, joining the circus seems like a reasonable option.