Salty

By Isabele R.

Humans have held salt in the palms of their hands for centuries. However, salt has risen most recently as one of many colorful terms gripped tightly by a great deal of teenaged vocabulary. I’m talking about being salty.

Some examples of often vulgar and often random terms are as follows: bruh, doe, swerve, yasssss, fam, I can’t(even), ratchet and swag. Another example of teenaged or adulterated terms is the incredibly applicable ‘hashtag’. Most of these words fall into the nature of usage without any format or context. Using such slang terms can shove one person so deep into the usage of taboo abused words manifested in pop culture, you can’t seem to claw your way out.

You might hear some of these words in passing or maybe you’re a regular offender. In any event you find yourself either cringing or applauding the usage of these terms. I admit, hastily, to using any and all of these words inappropriately. As well as in truthfully fitting situations. But salty has found a special place in my heart and in my vocabulary.

Salt in a literal sense is that thing, that mineral, that compliments everything and anything but somehow can’t exert a pleasant taste on it’s own. Salt is appropriated in certain doses. Something can be too salted; something can be under-salted. But the term salty, is as applicable as the mineral itself. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure or even privilege of hearing this word: Salty, by my definition (when used as a slang term), is an adjective used to describe someone who is bitter, angry, passive aggressive, rude or generally unpleasant due to agitation. Urban Dictionary also describes it as The act of being upset, angry, or bitter as result of being made fun of or [embarrassed]. Also a characteristic of a person who feels out of place or is feeling attacked” keep in mind this was the fourth definition and the user spelled embarrassed wrong.

In any event I’ll urge you to think about someone who’s been salty today, someone who has been barely containing an urge to physically damage something or someone throughout the day. Maybe it’s your friend, maybe it’s your teacher, maybe it’s your mom, and if not it’s you. You read me, you are the salty one. Maybe not now, maybe not for a few days but you will find yourself salty sometimes. Here’s how you can cure it.

A little salt has never hurt anyone, but if you find yourself or your mom swimming in salt don’t ask them if they’ve taken a trip to the Dead Sea lately. That will only provoke. What you do when someone else is salty is water it down. Instant cure. You’re done. It’s out of your hands. But when you’re salty, you become responsible for your own saltiness. Go sit in the corner. Tell yourself to stop, and drink a ton of water or eat a sandwich. If someone is making you salty, remove yourself from the situation. I swear this is good advice. And after the tingly sour sensation of lingering salt has finally left, mellow out, drink some tea, and if you don’t like tea, drink more water. No matter how salty the situation there is always a cure, and you will find it.

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