My Fear Of Boats

by Simon M.

I hate strongly dislike boats.

My fear of boats takes me back to when I was four and my mother was watching 20/20. There was a disaster episode on boats, and so, 20/20 is the root of my fear of boats. I’m also afraid of bridges, but that’s a topic for another day.

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was sitting on the living room couch and my mom turned on the TV to watch her favorite night time show, 20/20. As usual 20/20 overexaggerates the situation and the background music intensifies as I witnessed hundreds of people panic as a boat starts to sink into the dark night. At first I wasn’t very scared but when I realized people died I did not take it well. Since the age of four I have only been on a boat two times, both of which did not end well.

Now that community board is “on board” to hold prom on a boat, things do not look well for me. There are many reasons why boats suck:

  1. They are boats.
  2. 99.99999% of boats have dumb names.
  3. Bottle messages.
  4. Pirates. Nevermind pirates are cool.
  5. You can get bronchitis .
  6. Have you heard of the Titanic?
  7. Have you heard of Captain Phillips?
  8. If there is a malfunction then you are stranded in the middle of nowhere. On water.
  9. They are the most inefficient form of travel.
  10. They are boats.

All of this and we still decided to have prom on a boat? I mean, if you like boats then do your thing. Me? I’ll be dancing on solid ground.