How To Survive Off Of The Vending Machines

by Petie W.


Due to a previous article in which I mostly described my and Brad C’s love for Kit Kats (obviously with Extra Crisp), it’s a commonly known fact I am a renowned connoisseur of the vending machines.

Therefore I decided to write a little more about how one might survive solely off of the vending machines. The vending machines have been a blessing and a curse. They are cheaper and easier to access then the snack bar was last year. But it is easy to get quick, bad habits. Also with the snack bar the purchases could simply be charged to your school account.

Of course I don’t take part in these unhealthy trends of frequently going to the vending machines. But I’ve seen enough comrades fall prey to the dangers to understand what it takes to live off the stuff.

To start off the day I would stockpile all of the Kit Kats with extra crisp because they seem to disappear after only one day. Then consume approximately three of them for breakfast. Also to get some vitamins I would have a san pellegrino since it is the closest thing to orange juice.

In order to get some color in my diet for lunch I would go for a bowl mixed with Starburst, skittles, and Mike and Ike’s and eat it like cereal. People might say, “Hey Pete, aren’t you worried this is too much sugar? And shouldn’t you be watching your figure?”

To this I respond, “Haha no.”

For dinner I would finish it off the rest of the Kit Kats and have a Red (not pink) Powerade and have some cookies for dessert. Then I would finish the day off with a Nature Valley Granola Bar in order to rectify all of the consumption earlier in the day.

Eating like this will get you as lively, energetic, and healthy as my brother, Liam W. pictured above.

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