Emperor Bash

by Simon Mehari

Disclaimer: The description of Deri in this article is completely fictional and based off of my imagination. Please do not harass Deri with the contents displayed in this article, I did it all in good fun. (Also if you do not see me in the next couple of days PLEASE send help, Deri may have captured me).

Screen Shot 2015-09-30 at 10.37.40 AM(Nice charming photo of our one and only Deri B.)

Supreme leader Bash has taken over yet another responsibility in the Upper school. Slowly, Deri is climbing the ranks and, sooner rather than later, he will achieve ultimate power. As of today he has started to build up his army or 59 dorm students and 6 dorm parents. He is the director of residential life, a position our one and only Jordan Elliott formerly held.

As we see his arm raise in the confined area that we call “The Great Hall” we wait to hear not one, not two, not three, not four, but five announcements that various other teachers already announced along with new information. Deri’s scorning facial expression penetrates our souls. We know that there is no scenario in which we come out victorious, so we have to make the most conscious decision to prevent further casualties. As we sit there in horror watching Deri’s hands menacingly fold, scavenging the last bit of energy we have to sit through 5 different announcements, we collectively brighten up in joy as Deri says with no emotion or facial expression, “That is all.”

You see, Deri is not like you and me, some might say he is superhuman. He has the capability to focus in on one task and do that task incredibly well without any distractions interfering with his progress. That’s why when you approach Deri while he is working, you do it with extreme care, as if you were approaching a mother bear guarding her cubs; no sudden movements and always act on the defensive.

Screen Shot 2015-09-25 at 9.40.38 AM(I will rip your soul to shreds if you ask me for another schedule change)
Remember if I am not seen or heard from between now and the next few day please send help.

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