My Quest for a Semi Date, 48 Hours Before the Dance

by Regina Logan

A number of OES-related questions have been on my mind recently. Where’s the chocolate milk? How many announcements does Deri have today? When there is no school on Monday, does Pasta Monday get moved to Tuesday? Or are we left pasta-less all week?

But most importantly: Who am I going to Semi with?

I am all for rolling solo to Semi. However, in recent weeks I’ve felt a certain level of expectation to go with someone. It seems that people I do and do not know expect me to go with Nathan Carpenter.

Though as Semi approaches my options are increasingly limited, I’m still taking care to vet the few remaining possibilities. So I’ve reached out to the community to find if Nathan C. could be a suitable semi date.

The Positives:

Sydney Garner, a trusted friend and confidant, noted that “Nathan is smart and cool,” a “beautiful man,” and that his head “seems very proportional.” Rachael Haugh, another trusted friend and confidant, called Nathan C. “volumptuous.” Rachael also threw in that his superb “commentation” skills would allow him to “commentate Semi.” (For anyone reading: Rachael Haugh’s birthday is on June 21st. Feel free to buy her a dictionary as a birthday present).

Ben Kilo added that he’s “good at basketball.” Not sure what Nathan’s shooting percentage adds to his date-credibility. In fact, his basketball record could prove to be a negative if he leaves me hanging at dinner like he left his team hanging this year. 

Abe Asher, resident Dig editor and Nathan’s idol, said that “Nathan’s a good baker… if you’re into cookies or other baked goods.” Abe, however, admitted to having no experience with Nathan’s baking. Simon Mehari, another Dig member, called Nathan “dreamy.”

Kara Tambellini and Deb Walsh, Nathan’s other idols, were able to offer me a few words amidst their busy schedules. Kara told me that Nathan’s a “good conversationalist.” That’s a plus. Deb, for whom Nathan has babysat, mentioned that “lots of people trust him with their small children.” That’s a… thing. Noted.

The Negatives:

When asked about his sense of humour, Yinka Laniran, our resident nice guy, gave Nathan a “solid 8.” C.T. Henry, Nathan’s advisor, feels that Nathan “thinks he’s funnier than he actually is.” Deb gave him an “8.7 when he doesn’t mean to be” but a “3.2 when he’s trying.” Ouch.

Despite Rachael H.’s opinion that Nathan’s hair flip is “superb,” many worried that his grooming habits may prove to be problematic. “It’s fine long,” says Yinka L., “but style it.” Andrew Carpenter, the younger and slightly more stylish brother of Nathan Carpenter, feels that “[Nathan’s] hair is very nice,” but also can be “very greasy.” Jane Schlendorf suggested that he wash it more. It sounds like a shower, a shave, and an occasional combing could really do the trick.

Many people had had major minor concerns about his dress. Abe said that, “Nathan has the stylistic intelligence of a dazed imp.” Though Jane argued that Nathan “not… wearing his blue sweatshirt” anymore is a plus, Peter Bounincontro worried that “there is a chance he will wear [his new] zip-up hoody to Semi.”

Kara, echoing this sentiment, said that “the fear that he would show up in basketball shorts” is reason enough to consider him out of the running. But this is also a potential positive. As Kara put it, “you’re ensured that you’ll look better than him.”

Yinka had more faith in Nathan’s dress, but took issue with his politics. “He’s too much of a Bernie fan… every conversation, Bernie enters it,” Yinka says. I thought Yinka could never be wrong, but alas, I have been mistaken. Because nobody can be too much of a Bernie fan. The prospect of Nathan introducing Bernie Sanders as a topic of conversation before Semi is a huge plus in my book. #FeelTheBern.

Simon predicted that “he would take you to a weird place for dinner.” Indeed. Nathan’s has made reservations for his group at a seafood place. Opinions on whether this was a good choice ranged from no, to possibly, to contingent upon whether utensils are used; “if you eat shrimp with your hands,” Deb pointed out, “you’ll smell like fish all night.” Not awesome.

The Verdict:

Nathan seems like a decent guy with many fine qualities. “He would definitely make the night fun… he’s a funny person to be around” says Yinka. And Yinka knows best.

So Nathan,


Comment, email me, text me, speak, or otherwise indicate a Yes or a No*!!!!! Respond quickly, because time’s a tickin!

*Say no if you would like, so long as you would also like to consider yourself single.

2 thoughts on “My Quest for a Semi Date, 48 Hours Before the Dance

  1. Regina,

    Thank you for your thoughtful and thorough analysis. Over the last 20 or so minutes, I have conducted a review of my own, and talked to many people with knowledge of the situation.

    Ultimately, although I may have to look into a new outfit as it seems my basketball shorts option is no longer viable, I’ve decided to say YES!!!!!

    P.S.: Is it ok if I wear my FANCIEST basketball shorts?

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