An Objective and Definitive Ranking of Girl Scout Cookies

by Isabella Waldron

February is a month of Hallmark Valentine’s cards, chocolate, and most importantly, Girl Scout Cookies. Our own resident Girl Scout, Cara S., started selling the cookies sometime in December and I immediately overtook her in the hallways to order my five boxes. This week was the ultimate payoff as many multicolored boxes of the treats started popping up around the hallways.  In honor of the glory that are Girl Scout Cookies, I’ve created a ranking of Girl Scout Cookies from best to worst: 

P.S. Apparently, all Girl Scout Cookies have two names because they are made by different companies (one of these is worse than the other at naming their confections).

  1. Samoas/Caramel deLites (Nobody has called them this ever)

I KNOW that some (foolish) people don’t like coconut, but I truly believe these cookies would change any coconut-hater’s mind. They are delightful layers of cookies, caramel, chocolate and coconut. The alliteration alone makes them well worth the $4 dollars.

  1. Thin Mints

Now, these are just a staple. No Girl Scout order would be complete without the classic Thin Mint cookies. If these cookies were a member of the Beatles, they would be Paul — reliable, well-liked, and long-lasting. Their high status on the cookie totem pole is well-deserved.

  1. Do-Si-Dos/Peanut Butter Sandwiches (snore)

These cookies are highly underrated. The layers of crunchy oatmeal cookies and creamy peanut butter dance for your taste buds. These are the cookies I intended to order but I accidentally bought the wrong peanut butter cookie (See: Tagalongs).  Just don’t eat these on campus.

  1. Tagalongs/Peanut Butter Patties

These are the cookies I ordered when I meant to buy Do-Si-Dos. Despite my deep disappointment in my Girl Scout Cookie ordering abilities, I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of Tagalongs. The peanut butter is definitely the kind that is 99% made of sugar and the robing of chocolate is quite tasty.

  1. Thanks-A-Lot

These are shortbread cookies with a chocolate lining. The only reason they are called Thanks-A-Lot cookies is because they literally say “Thank You” on the shortbread. The attempt at flair falls short, but their taste is still pretty good. Best for giving as a gift to someone you don’t know very well.

  1. Savannah Smiles

These are lemon cookies with a powdered sugar coating. I have no idea where the name comes from. They’re the kind of cookies that start out as a solid 5/10 but as you eat more of them you begin to like them more.

  1. Toffee-tastic

To be honest, I’ve not eaten these. They are one of the newcomers to the Girl Scout Cookie game and they look like the basic Trefoils but with random pieces of toffee. One anonymous friend of mine bought them last year and reported that they tasted a bit sandy.

 

  1. Trefoils/Shortbread

WHAT DOES TREFOIL MEAN? WHO NAMES THESE? These are pretty boring to be honest and very similar to OES snack time favorite: Lorna Doone. Average.

  1. Lemonades

Lemon shortbread cookies. The name may be witty but the flavors fall short.

  1. Rah-Rah-Raisins

Now I love a good oatmeal raisin cookie, but I am dubious about these. The “Greek yogurt-flavored chunks” make me wonder why Girl Scouts are gearing towards a healthier clientele. The Rah-Rah-Raisins are the gateway cookie to healthier grains and paleo shortbreads.

  1. Trios

A NEWCOMER! Fresh to the scene, Trios are gluten-free oatmeal and peanut butter cookies. They don’t sound completely terrible to be honest, but I just can’t bring myself to buy gluten-free Girl Scout cookies. However, for those that are unable to partake in Samoa and Thin Mint delight, I am glad that you now have this option.

  1. Cranberry Citrus Crisps

These sound refined but I get the feeling these are made for adults. They are made with “whole grain” and have “no high-fructose corn syrup, no artificial colors, flavors or sweeteners.” WHY? These cookies have fallen into the health craze cause. If you want to eat a healthy snack, find some carrots or an orange. If you want to eat a cookie, eat a real cookie (See Samoas).

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