Tolf Geam Season Preview

by Jethro Swain

It’s finally here folks.

Golf season has arrived and I know everyone is excited for OES’s most engaging and successful sport to get underway. As freshman lacrosse player Alex S. told me “golf is by far the best sport offered at OES it is much better than lacrosse I made a huge mistake not committing to golf.”

One of the captains of the tennis team Nat S. told me “Jethro I’m going to skip every one of my tennis tournaments to come to all of your golf matches and see you inevitably break ‘> Wil Jon Jones IV’ and Brad’s school record for lowest score.” I suggest everyone in the Upper School listen to Nat because he has his priorities straight.

To enlighten every reader of the dig, I’ll give some backstory on how the OES golf team started. In 2004 OES alumni Kyle Kuchs started the golf team by himself, going to tournaments with other 3A schools and competing as an individual. You may have seen Kyle around the gym since he’s been coming to many basketball games. He quaffs his hair and is always matching his clothes in some sort of way. The following year Kyle’s friend joined him and in just two years Kyle started and doubled the number of people on the golf team, a true legend at OES.

In 2009 the influential term “TOLF GEAM” was created to give the golf team a name that signified the importance, dedication, and hard work that they brought every day to practice. The first girls golf team was also established in 2009. Tolf’s first state berth came in 2011 when the team consisted of Jeff Crislip and when Connor “Corn” Macmillan was a freshman phenom on the team.

Although Kyle never made it to state himself he came back and coached Tolf to its second state berth in 2014 when Corn was a senior and the team consisted of Brad “hates Schmidlin” Crislip, Carl “Portland Shredder” Felstiner, ‘> Wil Jon Jones IV’, and Josh “I love birds” W. The team placed 5th that year, it’s highest state finish as a team ever.

The following year Tolf made it back to state, again placing 5th with two outright dirty rounds by freshman Alden “my head hurts” F. who shot a 90 then an 84 with a hole in one and a 38 one the back nine the second day. Without Alden’s hole in one Tolf would might not have placed 5th since we only beat out Regis who placed 6th by two strokes.

Jane S. made it to state last year as well, finishing 11th individually, which is the highest individual finish in OES golf history. “I’m hoping to win districts this year,” Jane said to me, “like I actually am I’m not just saying that,” she further added.

Now Tolf is back and there are high expectations for everyone on the team. The girls might actually have a team for the first time since Jane’s freshman year. Our guys team is looking for its first of what will soon be many 1st place finishes at districts, and looking to place in the top 4 at state so we can “win some hardware” as coach Missy Smith says.

“I’m looking forward to playing some golf and working on my game. I want myself and the team to all get better and I want to see us get to state again and finish hopefully first,” said Alden.

I myself am looking forward to state because since we had seven varsity members, and I absolutely choked at districts shooting a 102 then a 110, and Alden played out of his fragile mind, I didn’t get to participate in state. I’ve been waiting for the season to start for the past 9 months, and I more excited than Alex O. when he gets some McNuggets, or than Rowan B. when he gets an opportunity to take his shirt off.

“I’m really looking forward to the season and I really hope we can get another girl to join so we can have a team” Jane told me. The girls team consists of senior captain Jane., junior future captain Clem D., freshman Rhea M. and a fourth member who I’m sure is soon to be named because one girl will step up and help out the girls (IF YOU’RE READING THIS AND ARE FEMALE AND PLAY GOLF AT ALL OR EVEN JUST WANT TO REMOTELY TRY GOLF JOIN THE GIRLS TEAM IT’S A WHOLE LOTTA FUN YOU CAN BE A STATE ATHLETE).

The guys team has returning varsity members and captains Josh and myself, Will “can’t wait to be captain/Willy Acks” A., and Alden. There’s also freshman prodigies Luke S. and Chris R., as well past JV superstars Daniel P., Louis R., and James R. With this roster of varsity and JV players who could all beat Joel Gray because Joel always chokes the team is stacked and has a deep roster for the seasons to come.

As a student body Tolf is looking for fans this year. Last year Lily Samiee, Daniel Scroggins, Gabe Perry-Freer, and Bevin Daglen all came to matches to support (mainly Brad) at a match on the east side of Portland at Glendoveer golf course, and a large group of seniors and juniors came to support (mainly Brad) at Redtail where we practice just down Scholls Ferry.

I realize it’s slightly difficult with school to come watch a match during the day, but often times our matches go past 3:05. If there are any seniors or juniors who want to come to a match when they have free period last, or even freshman or sophomores who want to show their dedication and come watch after school, ask me when and where our matches are and I’ll tell you so you can come see me inevitably choke on the 18th hole or you can see Josh get bored of playing golf and starting kicking around a soccer ball trying to “tekker” everyone.

Also if there’s anyone still wanting to play golf you can still come even if you haven’t been to any meetings, the first practice is on Tuesday, March 1st and we’re meeting in the Drinkward Center. I think Louis and Daniel P. are playing and they’ve been to zero meetings as well as ignoring me and telling me they have “stuff to do” when I tell them to show up. Little do they know I’m going to vandalize their jerseys by writing “kick me” on the back in sharpie so it won’t come off.


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