By Graham O’Connor
Recently, I had the opportunity to scour OES for Daniel Park’s backpack. It was supposed to be a simple job; find backpack, take backpack. Unfortunately, during my hunt, I discovered something deeply unsettling:
OES is cursed with some sort of ancient evil.
Daniel and I made our way to the photography room, on the bottom floor of the art wing. Keep in mind that I’m in some uncharted territory right now; being the least artistic and creative person at OES, I had never before had a reason to enter the art wing.
For those who haven’t been in the photography room, it’s a pretty simple arrangement. There are some tables, some chairs, and a lamp. Nothing fancy. The disturbing revelation comes when you take a closer look:
Hey, what’s up with that weird black cylindrical refrigerator??
This is when I discovered that the seemingly innocent art room is actually just a facade for what I believe to be some sort of malevolent cult. Now, I’m usually open to other religions, but I’m pretty sure that this is the goat-sacrifice kind of cult, not a new-age kind of cult.
Currently, I have a few theories. It’s highly possible that there is an ancient evil, the likes of which have never been seen, living beneath us that will one day tear out of the earth like an angry god thirsty for the blood of wicked men. On the other hand, it could be that OES is secretly built on a Native American burial ground.
Wow! Those are some pretty outlandish theories, Graham. Surely you’re kidding, right?
Let’s take a look at the evidence. First off, it’s a secluded area within a secluded area. Talk about a red flag. Second, you’re not allowed unless you’re in the photography class. In my experience, most photographers are already cultists anyway, so I imagine that “photography” really means “hail Cthulhu.” Finally, Cameron Jack is known for his luxurious facial hair. You know who else has facial hair?
Precisely. The notorious Shoko Asahara, founder of a Japanese doomsday cult. Coincidence? I think not.
In conclusion, I would advise everyone to stay away from the demon room. If you’re a c̶u̶l̶t̶i̶s̶t̶ photographer reading this, just know: we’re on to you.