by Alex Williams
The views presented in this article are representative only of its author and not of The Aardvark Dig, its editors, or the OES community.
This is the first in a three-part series about each presidential candidate.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last few months, you’ve probably heard about the ongoing presidential primaries. Yes, the people of America are being forced to choose between a socialist, a corrupt career politician, and a borderline racist for their next president.
However, there is a bright spot. Unlike the 2012 election, which featured attack ads with Big Bird and write-in votes for Mickey Mouse, the 2016 election has produced more dank memes than any other election to date (PolitiFact rates this claim as “Pants on Fire”). In light of this, I’ve decided to explain why every single candidate is terrible—in memes.
There are a lot of great things about Trump. He’s a billionaire, a WWE Hall of Famer (I’m not kidding, look at this), and he wants to Make America Great Again. He’s also held a “Celebrity Roast” on Comedy Central, where Snoop Dogg said possibly the greatest line ever about the Donald’s campaign. He tells it like it is, and his election would be a further step towards racial equality for orange people. He has a propensity for coming up with fitting nicknames for his opponents, such as “Little Marco” Rubio, “Crooked Hillary” Clinton, “Low-energy” Jeb Bush, among others. He also has very large hands.
However, there are some definite downsides to Trump. His hairstyle is questionable, at best, and he recently referred to the World Trade Center attacks in 2001 as “7/11”. He wants to build a wall, which might be fine (depending on who you ask), but for some reason, he thinks Mexico will pay for it. Although he’s running as a Republican, he’s historically been much further left than he is now. He used to be a registered Democrat, claimed that the economy was better under Democratic leadership, and recently advocated for Planned Parenthood and universal health care. All of which is great if you’re a left-leaning voter, but his inconsistent views should cause some concern for anyone considering voting for him. He’s been endorsed by both Chris Christie and Ben Carson, each of whom come with their own set of problems. And of course there was the whole debacle with David Duke, a KKK leader.
Trump has swept the last 6 GOP primaries, including in New York, and looks poised to wrap up the Republican nomination with wins in Indiana and California. Barring a last-gasp push by Ted Cruz and the rest of the party, we may very well be looking at the something that was unthinkable as recently as this January: The Donald at the forefront of the Republican party. God help us.
Update: This article was written before the other Republican candidates dropped out of the race, and Trump has since essentially secured the GOP nomination.