Spirit Weak

by Thomas Pinkava

Spirit Week! Spirit Week? Spirit… week? Spirit Week! Spirit. Week.

Unless you’ve drowned in the endless exclamation marks that pour forth from Spirit Squad’s harangue-the-masses *ahem* email account, you’re probably aware that it’s Spirit Week. Unless your neocortex has been severely lesioned, you’re also probably aware that Spirit Week has been somewhat — ah — repeating.

It seems like Monday is always afflicted with some coordination behaviour, probably from the overlap with Status-Quo Saturday and Submit-to-the-System Sunday. Monday should be renamed “Midwinter-Madness-Monday,” because that is the inevitable source of most of the clothes worn to match one’s grade.

Tuesday is invariably preoccupied with Twins. It’s as if Community Board has some unhealthy fascination with pairing us off. First DataMatch, then Twin Tuesday… It’s probably due to the fact that Nathan Carpenter can only count in multiples of two.

Wednesday is the only day that has some variety, some change each year. This is mostly because Community Board’s vocabulary contains more than one word starting with “W,” while we’re not so sure about “M” and “T.”

Thursday’s gimmick — that of the ‘tacky tourist’ — is highly unusual for such a globalized school. Although it may be a release from our self-restraint, there are better ways than a campus-wide pineapple impression.

Friday’s novel Dream B16 is new, indeed. However, it is the result of hours of planning by the entire senior grade, locked away in a top-secret class retreat (The nuclear R&D bunker code-named Camp Magruder), agonizing over whether “The elections were r16ged” was better than “Go stick your head in a p16”. Novelty comes at a price.

Spirit Week is overusing old days. Why not bring in something new? In fact, why not give each day a complete overhaul? Here are some ideas to get you started…

Mycological Monday: Everybody comes dressed as large mushrooms, morels, molds, etcetera. Peter Langley spends the day growing various fungi on backpacks left lying around. A ‘twin’ element can be incorporated; go as a lichen, teaming up with someone dressed as algae.

Tarpaulin Tuesday: Students attend school concealed under large sheets of plastic. Simple, straightforward, and English-Teacher-Proof.

Wrangling Wednesday: Several large bears are brought to school, and the day is spent in comedic uproar as each lesson is taught in lockdown. Various administrative personnel climb into the rafters and direct gathering from the roof. Guaranteed to be exactly as much fun as a barrel of monkey limbs!

Tinnitus Thursday: Start the day with a massive, explosive percussion! Spend the rest of class time with a pleasant buzzing in the ears. Loud music to be played between classes to keep up the authentic ear-damage vibe.

Flatulence Friday: What better way to end a week of celebration of school spirit than Flatulent Friday, the day in which you demonstrate how utterly devoted to OES you are by emitting as much gas as possible from the back end. Those who may have difficulties doing so simply bring large bags of rotten eggs to school, to be dropped during whatever X-Period activity may be scheduled.

Try these new Spirit Days! Add some variety to your life! Show school Spirit in the most ridiculous way possible!