by Thomas Hochman
Finding myself without a story for this week, I’d like to turn to a running diary of sorts from yesterday afternoon.
3:05 PM: Another eye-opening class on Sexual Reproduction with Joel has ended. School’s out for the day.
3:06 PM: My phone has dropped from 80 to 30 percent battery over the last 50 minutes. I curse Apple. I curse my attachment to technology. I move on.
3:25 PM: Abe Asher asks me if I’m going down to the optional tennis practice today. I say, “yes.” I think, “yes.” I don’t go to tennis practice.
3:45 PM: Alma N. is lying down rummaging for scrap objects under the senior risers. Siena M, Nat S, and Jon D. sit watching as the meltdown ensues. Siena M. looks unsurprised.
4:15 PM: Realizing I’m going to be here for the next five and a half hours, I plug in my dying phone. The phone’s charging port doesn’t work. Regina L, passing by, comments, “You should probably get a new phone.” I agree.
4:45 PM: Nick L. makes a joke and I jokingly slap him way harder than I intended to. Nick L. is unfazed and doesn’t care because Nick L. is the nicest person on the planet. I begin to realize that I’m having a bit of a meltdown myself, here.
5:15 PM: Aidan W leaves to go down to the field, and gives me his half-full Gatorade bottle and nearly-finished New Seasons teriyaki chicken for sustenance. This is cause for more excitement than Disneyland.
5:18 PM: I’ve just remembered I have a peanut allergy. I ask Evan H. if he thinks there’s peanut sauce on the chicken. He also has a less serious peanut allergy, but tries a bite anyway. “Nah man ur good,” he says. Rachel W. clues in and starts frantically offering me bagels and looking up chicken teriyaki recipes to avoid witnessing an allergic reaction right in front of her.
5:20 PM: I give into my evolutionary need and take a bite anyway. I point out where my EpiPen is to a befuddled looking Nick L. I’ve disturbed Nick while he’s been trying to do his history homework about 7 billion times already, so I decide to shut up. He doesn’t seem to mind, though, because as I’ve already pointed out, Nick is the nicest person on the planet.
6:00 PM: I sit alone in a vast sea of parents watching the OES JV Boys Lacrosse game. We are down 13-1 but spirits are high. Goalkeeper Andrew C. seems to be a fan favorite.
6:25 PM: I find myself in a Prius with juniors Andy S and Simon M, sophomore Jack M, and fellow freshman Ella B. I don’t know why I am in a Prius. I don’t know why I am with juniors Andy S and Simon M, sophomore Jack M, and fellow freshman Ella B. I snapchat a couple friends about it, to which they respond, “Why are you in a Prius with juniors Andy S and Simon M, sophomore Jack M, and fellow freshman Ella B?” I tell them that I don’t know.
6:30 PM: A faculty member walks past the car. Andy tells us we all have to wave. We do our best to wave as awkwardly as possible. The faculty member waves back.
6:40 PM: We are listening to Young Thug in the car. Ella claims that she is a massive fan of Young Thug and would rather go to the upcoming Young Thug concert than prom. Simon M. asks Ella to name a single Young Thug song. Ella fails to name one.
6:45 PM: Ella isn’t sure whether or not to believe that Jack M. is a dorm student. Simon M. sits back, mouth agape at the scenes occurring in the car.
6:50 PM: I buy a ginger beer from New Seasons. Or rather, Simon buys me a ginger beer from New Seasons, because I forgot my wallet at home and my world is getting torn apart at the seams.
7:00 PM: We make a pit stop at 7/11.
7:15 PM: We arrive back at the OES field. Attendance has spiked considerably, to which Simon responds, “Oh wow this is lit!”
7:22 PM: Jane S tells me that in an attempt to avoid walking all the way around the field, she crawled under the fence, getting stuck not once, but FOUR times, much to the amusement of Abe Asher and the soccer players in front of her.
7:23 PM: David S rescues Jane, exclaiming afterwards, “That’s why I’m an Eagle Scout!”
7:30 PM: Sko’ Varks. Dem boyz take the field.
7:40 PM: Charlie N is laughing at Jacen W for his now-almost-defunct jailbroken phone, saying something about karma.
8:00 PM: I steal a slice of pizza from the JV Boys’ snack section, trying desperately to survive off of Aidan W’s food and a ginger beer.
8:20 PM: This game is beginning to heat up, big time. I make a technical remark or two about lacrosse to my friends in a futile attempt to make it seem like I know what I’m talking about. I wonder for the 9 billionth time why I played baseball and not lacrosse in 4th and 5th grade. I don’t find an answer.
8:55 PM: OES and Lincoln are going goal-for-goal and people are beginning to stand up.
9:05 PM: UNBELIEVABLE SCENES HERE!!! Legendary frosh Alex Slusher scores to tie the game up with a minute to go! I send a text off to my mom asking her to delay her pickup. She says no, she’s already left the house, and no, Uber is too expensive. I think this will be an issue.
9:06 PM: Overtime. Vernon C is crouched down on the sideline, ready to leap for joy or lie in the fetal position for the next 3 days.
9:08 PM: Disaster. Lincoln has scored a golden goal. I didn’t realize it was golden goal. It took me a very long time to process that the goal that was just scored was, in fact, a golden goal. I look more crestfallen than when the Jamaican-styled plastic wrapper on my ginger beer peeled off earlier in the day.
9:21 PM: Mother Hochman picks me up. I go home and go to bed, preparing for the almost unquantifiable hype that I’m planning on bringing to the girls’ first playoff game tomorrow.
9:44 PM: I wake up and realize I haven’t done any homework yet.
12:15 AM: Sleep.