Rob Orr Is An Actual FBI Director?

By Asa Brown

What started as a backhand joke by Debby Schauffler in Gathering on Thursday suddenly became a reality for me.

Real ideas starting as jokes isn’t a new concept. In fact, that’s how the rumor that bats aren’t actually blind arrived to us.

So, in response to Debby’s joke, let’s see if Rob Orr would be a good FBI director. Let’s start by taking a look at the GOAT FBI director J. Edgar Hoover. Whatever your stance on Hoover’s blackmailing and extortion of everyone including presidents, hippies, and civil rights leaders, it is inarguable that Hoover was a good director, making it harder to become an FBI agent than to be accepted to an Ivy-League college.

According to Wikipedia, Hoover is only 5’7”. Not a good start for the 6’6” Rob. However, Orr’s knowledge of Physics would help him solve the Kennedy assassination.

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And, if he teamed up with fellow OES physicist Owen Gross, they could really get to the bottom of the mystery (Gross is a neuroscientist as well). Also, Orr can be reached at 503-416-9325 through OES, and the area code for Abilene, Texas is 325. Hoover once visited Texas, making him basically a copy of Orr.

OK, maybe Orr isn’t very similar to Hoover, but Hoover wasn’t the ideal FBI director for the main reason that there is no such thing as a great FBI director. Also, Hoover had lots of flaws. See “blackmailing and extortion of everyone including presidents, hippies, and civil rights leaders.” Maybe Orr could be the first great director, as I mentioned, he certainly has the technical abilities. The only thing that is questionable about his resumé for the position is his lack of being in a law enforcement position. He could tag team with Disciplinary Committee faculty leader Dana Mosher Lewis to create an FBI ‘superteam’. Either way, don’t put Rob Orr as all three of your choices for advisor switch.