Student Body President Jack Morningstar’s Response to The Owl’s Open Letter

Owl,

First of all, it’s nice to know that you didn’t even take the time to learn my actual name. I go by Jack and my birth name is John, so I’m not sure what crap nest you pulled Johnathan out of. Also, check your spelling of Jonathan.

It’s nice to know that you’re feeling so apologetic. However, when the stakes are high, words are cheap. Please take a look at the attached invoice that my insurance was kind enough to send me. More than two-thousand for the initial visit, and more than eight-hundred more for the follow up vaccinations.

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Although, I shouldn’t complain. They were nice enough to cover an insulting thirty dollars, less than one percent of the bill.

Additionally, from what I’ve learned from the New York Times article, The Delicate Politics of Chasing Owls, that your kind doesn’t tend to make many appearances. What could it have been about me that caused you, such an elusive creature, to breach? I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was wearing my Patriots hoodie.

In conclusion, I do not accept your phony apology. And, no, you did not apologize at ground zero. You lied about that to the entire student body, and now you have more than one thing to apologize for. Get yourself together.

Take Care,

Jack Morningstar

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