Everything You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Art Ward

By Maya K.H. and Annie W.

Did you know that Art Ward has a Costco membership?

Arthur Douglas Ward graduated from Tufts University with a major in English and minor concentrations in Greek and Latin classics and drama. He then earned a PhD in English from the University of California at Berkeley.  In August of 2011, Art  e-published a historical novel called Son of Saul through the Smashwords e-publishing service. The novel reflects his interest in martial arts, ancient military history, and religious beliefs.

We all are well-educated on Art’s OES professional life, however, the majority of  students know little to nothing about his personal life. In hopes of educating the entire student body, Annie and I have sacrificed our precious time (and the little dignity we had) to interview Art Ward.

What kind of soap do you use?

“Whatever manly soap was on sale at Costco this month. I use it after I do manly things.”

How many languages do you speak?

“I speak English, Japanese, Spanish and I am currently learning Italian.”

What’s your shoe size?

“9 mens. But I can’t think of someone who would be interested in my shoe size other than a shoe company”

What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“Thank you.”

What’s your spirit animal?                                                                                                      

 “Did I have to just pick one? A wolf, I guess.”

Who’s your biggest idol?                                                                                                               

 “I don’t really believe in idolatry.”

Do you like carrots?

“Yes.”

What socks are you currently wearing?

“Um, just regular black socks.”

Have you ever thought about being a model?   

“Yes, I think about it every single day.”

Were you popular in high school?                                                                                     

“Oh God! Ha! Let’s just say that joining the wrestling team got me to the lowest rank of nerdism.”

Favorite snack from the vending machine?                                                       

“I haven’t been there in three years.  I once got a bag of potato chips, they were horrible. But they were the only item that didn’t go against the book, How To Not Die.

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

(Annie and I thought he’d be a douglas fir, ‘cause his middle name is Douglas.)

 “A ponderosa pine”  

If you could beat someone up, who would you beat up?                                               “I might get secret service guys at my door if I answered that one.”

What kind of phone do you have?             

“I have a Samsung Galaxy S.”                                                                                            

What’s your dentist’s name?                                                                                                       

“Why are you even interested in this?’’ (pause) “Dr. Kincaid.”

How many teeth do you have?

“Not as many as I used to.”

Have you ever had stitches?                                                                                                   

“Yes.”

How often do you meditate?  

“About 5 times a week.”

Do you like Peter Bloch?                                                                                                   

“Peter Bloch? The student, Peter Bloch? (pause) Well, yeah. Where did you get these questions? The goddess of random?”

Have you ever started a fight?

A physical fight? No.”      

Do you drink alcohol?

Yes, I drink cider several times a week.”

Have you ever driven under the influence.

No, never, I’m a responsible guy.”

                                                                                                                                                                    Do you have a tattoo?    

“No”

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

“Um, on someone else.”

When was the last time you cried?

“Two days ago. I will just say that like Homer, I don’t subscribe to the ridiculous notion that real men don’t cry.’’

Do you collect anything?

“Regrets.”          

What’s your favorite outfit?    

“Do I look like a fashion guy to you?”                                                                                                

Do you believe in Santa?  

“As a historical figure, yes.”

What’s the meaning of life?       

Long pause. “What will survive of us is love.”

Do you have any pets?    

I used to have two cats, Benjamin and Moonlight. Unfortunately, they got eaten by coyotes a few years ago.”

What’s your favorite skittle color?        

“They all taste like sugar pills to me”

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