Ask Annie #5

By Annie Watson

This week I’m answering 12 community questions.

Nic from the 9th grade writes:

Can I have this pen?

Ask Annie #5-1

Sure thing, bud. $50.00. I’ll accept it in the bucket.


Anonymous writes:

Dear Annie, what is your favorite brunch place in town?

Ask Annie #5-2

Hi Anonymous,

3131 N Vancouver Ave, Portland, OR 97227. You asked.


Anonymous writes:

How’s your SRP (Science Research Project) going?

Ask Annie #5-3

Hi Anonymous,

Other than putting it off till the last few days of Winter Break, making a questionably legal transaction at the Tuality Community Hospital’s ER for materials, spilling a formaldehyde/intestine mixture on my favorite jeans, and some 1st Class blood loss, my project’s going surprisingly well. My project studies the efficacy of sutures vs. surgical staples for holding fetal pig skin together, which meant I had to convince my mom to let me bring home a somewhat-sealed bag of dissected baby pigs in our clean car, which was not as easy as one might think. Also I accidentally sutured into my own hand a few times, contaminating my blood with fetal pig juice, so I’ll probably either die or get super powers. Not sure which I’m hoping for 👍



This candid shot my dad took of me skinning a pig at like 1:00 am pretty much sums up my whole SRP experience.

Ask Annie #5-4

Anonymous writes:

What is your favorite flag on the ceiling of the Great Hall?

Hi Anonymous,

OES has yet to hang the Communist Flag.

Но это приемлемо, потому что я скрыл шесть коммунистических флагов вокруг школы.


Anonymous writes:

Describe Art Ward in TEN words.

Ask Annie #5-5

Dear Anonymous,

Art Ward is the man God prays to for guidance.

Anonymous writes:

What is your greatest fear?

Ask Annie #5-6

Having my internet history leaked. It should probably be your greatest fear too.


Anonymous writes:

How to file a restraining order?

Ask Annie #5-8

Hi anonymous,

No idea. Usually I’m on the other end of these things. Here, have a wikiHow article:

On second thought I might actually need one of these ‘cause an unnamed 9th grader took 84 of the 90 packets of Mott’s® Fruit Snacks I had in my locker, and now I live in fear.


Anonymous writes:

Who is your favorite Buonincontro child?

Ask Annie #5-9

Hi Anonymous,

I don’t really know the younger ones, so I’d have to go with Henry Banning.


Anonymous writes:

How long until graduation?

Ask Annie #5-10

4.572e+27 helium half-lives.


Anonymous writes:

How do you feel about Tide Pods?

Ask Annie #5-11

Note: I do not support the consumption of Tide Pods, but I imagine they would taste as comforting as a hot blanket wrapped around your shoulders in the winter. And sure, eating a Tide Pod would give you horrendously painful caustic burns and send you into respiratory arrest, but they honestly look more appetizing than 90% of the stuff I eat.

In conclusion,

Ask Annie #5-12



When I get a sugar daddy, I’m asking for this shirt.

Maya K. from the 9th grade writes:

So, if you were suddenly arrested with no explanation, what would your family assume that you’ve done?

Ask Annie #5-13

Hey Maya,

I thought about lying for the sake of comedy, but then decided to just ask my family instead. My dad replied (with .03 seconds of hesitation), “Meth.” My mom said, “Uhh, probably that you stole something. Why? What’s happened?” My oldest brother, Will, said “Prostitution. Or public indecency.” My niece, Sophie, said, “Graffiti for a cause.” And Chandler said, “Oh, um, arson.”

There you have it.


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