Why There Was No Ask Annie Last Week

by Annie Watson

Hello friends. Thought I should give a proper explanation after someone grabbed me by the shoulders and said, “How could you do this to me?”*

*entirely false. Made that up at 12:42 am. Low-key wish someone was that passionate.

There was no Ask Annie last week because I made the decision (for better or worse) to perform in Shrek the Musical. I was assigned to play Humpty Dumpty (a textbook example of physique based typecasting), and the task really scrambled my schedule, not to mention I’d had a rough week for a few reasons. But instead of ranting about how teachers sometimes forget that we take more than one class, how I’m showing symptoms for half of the psychological risks of sleep deprivation, or how I’ve been eating ice chips to stay awake, I will reflect on my role for some public catharsis 👍

  • The egg costume is made of thin material, so I was freezing cold offstage, but could not hug anyone for warmth due to the hula hoop embedded in my abdomen.
  • I was pretty sad I didn’t get to keep my costume. Now I’m gonna have to go out and buy a prom dress.
  • After 2+ hours of wearing the makeup, I started to feel it seep into my skin and grant me the power to communicate with eggs. On an entirely unrelated note, I found but that auditory hallucinations are a symptom of severe sleep deprivation.
  • I wore my egg makeup to the afterparty at Shari’s and scared some small children.
  • I lost any innocence I had left while playing over two hours of Cards Against Humanity.
  • The makeup process went through a few iterations as you can see in the following photos.

No Ask Annie #1.png

  • I kinda ended up looking like Harley Quinn as a teenage brunette egg.
  • At first I had some reservations about wearing a skin tight costume, but it was liberating, and really helped me embrace my natural shape.

No Ask Annie #2

  • The pants had what appeared to be pepperoni slices painted on them, and no one knew why. The top theory was that they were odd circular bricks that made up the wall I fell off of, and the yellow background behind them represented my blood. If you have a better explanation, let me know 👍
  • I was disappointed that Gomes decided against killing me off. So what if it was “a legitimate safety hazard given that we don’t have the safety equipment for it”? If there’s one thing I’ve learned from competitive teen street fighting, it’s that broken bones are just part of the job.

Anyway, I just realized I spent pretty much as long as I would on an Ask Annie to write this article, but I hope you enjoyed hearing about my struggles. In conclusion, the role of Humpty Dumpty helped me get out of my shell, eggsercise a different side of myself, and though it was a whisk, I’m glad I tried out.