The Upcoming OES Ping Pong Tournament Might Be The Most Electric Thing To Happen To This Place In Years

If you try to tell me that you haven’t been absolutely buzzing this week, you’re either lying or you don’t have a pulse, and frankly, in this case, I’m not sure which is worse.

On Monday, OAsians announced that they would be hosting a doubles ping pong tournament after Thanksgiving, and, so, while the rest of you are gorging yourselves on Turducken, you can expect to see me cutting weight and logging countless hours behind the table, paddle in hand, perfecting my craft. Doctors have told me I’m making unhealthy lifestyle choices but, at this point, I’m too far down this road to turn back now.

On Wednesday, I barged my way through the entrance to EC3 unannounced and demanded that David “Rosie” Rosenberg partner up with me, at which point Anna Rozzi and Bevin Daglen turned, looked at me as if I had grown a pair of antlers, and told me (I might be paraphrasing here) to please get the hell out of their meeting. Rosie later told me that I should really be focused on the State Final this Saturday, but I think he’s just playing hard to get.

In any case, come late November, expect to see me duking it out with OES’s table tennis elite as I try to solidify my place as ping pong’s nonpareil. We’ve really hit the big time.