A Tragic Loss

Hiathan Nguyen

We were all dressed up and ready to rumble in our short-shorts and tank tops.

*Disclaimer—the volleyball tournament has actually been a great community building event and this article is (mostly) a joke. Batrick was not harmed by the making of this article. However, he will be working extra hard in preparation for our next game.*

Our team was physically and mentally prepared to beat The Aces, and as we walked onto the court John S. 23’, starting bench for The Aces, was quivering in his shoes. Our team was stacked (theoretically)—we had great height, athleticism, and grit. However, we had glanced over something vital during the drafting of our team. Our own recruiter, who I will not name and for the sake of anonymity will call Batrick Parnette, has the worst ball-handling skills in the upper school. Batrick’s lack of ball-handling skill is well known, but his height of 6’4” and athletic accomplishments (wrestling district champ and 320lb bench press) should make up for this skill deficit in volleyball, a sport where tall people thrive, right? No. Batrick committed some of the most atrocious blunders in the history of the volleyball during our game last week. Serve after serve, volley after volley, Batrick totally missed great point-scoring opportunities. His biggest blooper came during an intense volley when Mack D. 22’ gave him a beautiful set up for a huge spike. Batrick, upon seeing this graceful pass, got excited and swung way too early, clipping the side of the ball and sending it over the bleacher railings. Batrick angrily dismissed his poor performance saying, “I don’t need to be good at volleyball, I came up with the idea for the tournament. I’m the reason everyone is playing.” This statement is likely false because CoBo, a group Batrick is not a part of, set up the tournament. 

Hopefully, for the team’s sake, Batrick will use his failure as motivation to hit the volleyball court for some much needed practice. 

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