We have a new activity full of diligent research and cold-blooded drama.
At the start of this school year, Jonathan S. had an idea for a new activity. With the purest of intentions, NOT AT ALL wanting a way for Seniors to get out of Activity, he dreamed of creating a space where friends and rivals could come together to compete over Fantasy Football. In September, he pitched this idea to Sarah G-F and the Fantasy Football activity was started—conveniently meeting on Morrisette court. Jonathan and Henry E. became the early powerhouses of the activity. However, both have now stepped into less intensive roles due to their other responsibilities. Before we jump right into the drama, let us take a moment to learn more about the members.
I got to meet with Cameron G., Alex C., Ben R., and activity sponsor Sarah G-F to learn more about the activity’s members.
Most Informed – Jonathan S.
Hands down, Jonny does the most research out of all the activity members. He’s a big Twitter man and is constantly getting the inside scoop on the finer points of the League. However, according to Cameron this research has only paid off maybe once in the last three years.
Most Loyal – Ronit M.
Ronit is certainly the most loyal player in the activity. He’s extremely passionate about his team and over the last couple of seasons, they’ve been through thick and thin together. Despite being ravaged by injuries over the past few seasons, Ronit has stayed true to his players even if it means he can’t win a game.
The Instigator – Ben R.
Ben loves to have fun, but due to a series of very unlucky matchups that lead to him being outscored pretty much every single week, this season has left him quite disappointed. Maybe that’s why he’s turned to making his own fun by stirring the pot. Ben set off a chain reaction of drama when he added Connor M. to the Fantasy group chat and started rumors about some potentially scandalous activity going on in the league (more about this below).
Player Love Affair – Alex C. and Derrick Henry
Alex shed his first tear of the year over Derrick Henry’s recent season-ending injury and since then he’s been working through his grief. “At the end of the day, he’s done. What are you going to do about it?” – Alex.
The Ghost – Connor M.
Working in the shadows, Connor has really made a noticeable impact on the league through advising Alex’s front office. Despite his back-seat position, he has been made relevant through controversies around the level of his involvement in Alex’s recent success.
Only Way Is Up – Patrick R.
“I kind of just set my team on Tuesday and see how it goes,” said Pat, who is currently ranked tenth out of ten in the League. You know what they say about rock-bottom—the only way is up.
Mr. Unfortunate – Cameron G.
It’s been an “atrocious” year for Cameron. Not quite Patrick-bad…but still bad.
Trade Lord – Dominic D.
Cameron and Alex sounded annoyed when I asked them about Dominic’s team. This year, Dominic has seized a monopoly on wide receivers. All season, trades have been forced to flow through his front office.
The Mountaineer – Henry E.
Though the year started poorly for Henry, he’s now on the up and up. After an extreme trade with Patrick where the two essentially swapped squads, he’s begun an upward climb and is hoping to reach his peak before the season gets to playoff time.
Quiet Assassin – Tyler E.
Tyler has never been vocal about his success in the group chat or in-person but is currently tied for second place and has one of the most consistent teams in the group.
North Korea – Issac B.
“He is very powerful (tied for first with Jonathan) and very isolated.” – Alex
We then talked about the recent controversies of the Fantasy Football activity.
Why did the OES Fantasy Football activity choose the new gym as their meeting spot? I talked to sponsor Sarah Grenert-Funk about the thought process that went into their decision. One of the main qualities of the activity, she says, is that it gives the members a chance to talk about trades and stay current in their knowledge of the sport. “Sometimes the best conversation and work gets done while you’re doing other activities. That’s why we play basketball.”
Alex the Puppet
(Meme from Henry E.—exposing THE TRUTH.)
Auto-draft is well known to ruin teams right from their first day in the league. Supposedly, on the day of the draft, Alex C. had a list of players he had intended to pick up. However, when a sudden rush flooded into the dining hall at The Springs retirement home, he was called to his duty as server and his phone was left unattended. For the next couple rounds of the draft, his team was torn apart by horrible AI-selected picks. But suddenly, in the nick of time, a guardian angel of sorts came to his team and pulled them up out of the water from which they were drowning. In a flash, the luck of Alex’s team had mysteriously turned around. So…who or what was it that saved him?
It turns out there was some correspondence between Alex and non-league member Connor. Naturally, I had to ask the question:
Does Alex run his team, or is Connor ghost-coaching?
When I asked, Alex immediately sat up, gave me a mean scowl, threw his arms up, and exclaimed, “I do!”
“That’s a lie…” said Ben and Cameron with a smirk and chuckle. Alex, angered, suspiciously continued by avoiding my question and talking about his performance this season.
“This year we’ve won 5 games and we’re so…” Wait, wait, wait, we…?? Got ‘em.
Let’s dig in.
In late August, Alex and Connor had started talking about some of the deals that were going through Alex’s team. After a bit of consulting, Connor offered to assist with a trade for Rob Gronkowski.
“My first move as an advisor to Alex, who is the manager, was to advise on a trading away A.J. Brown for Gronk,” said Connor. “Alex had a surplus of wide receivers and it was the smart move to make in that situation. As the season progressed, there were more opportunities to advise and I’ve been working quietly to help out on the trade and free-agent signing side of things. I really only do anything when [Alex] is busy and can’t do it himself.”
And it’s worked well. Despite the controversy and plethora of memes about them in the Fantasy Snapchat group chat, the two have come together as a combined force to be reckoned with. One of the greatest moves the two made was trading away the Raider’s Henry Ruggs III just two days before he was in a fatal car wreck. He will likely spend the rest of his life in prison and not be generating many fantasy points… What incredible prescience! How did they do it?! “In talking, we figured that it was just a matter of time—there were so many red flags with Ruggs and he was just bound to commit some atrocious act,” said Connor and Alex. That A.J. Brown trade away also worked, as Brown has been questionable with a looming knee injury all season. Currently, Alex’s Show Me Your TD squad is tied for second in the league.
Much like the Revolutionary War or French Revolution, #notmycommissioner is a rebellion for the people. Henry E., both this year and last year, has made many sketchy attempts to abuse his power as commissioner of the league. Henry can freely edit people’s teams without them knowing and veto trades made by other players. He’s basically in god mode for the Fantasy league—no one man should have all that power. Subjects of Henry’s rule experience little freedom and #notmycommissioner is how they are speaking out against this oppression.
Pancakes of Shame
At the end of the season, two poor members will make a humiliating journey to their local Denny’s. As punishment for being the absolute worst in the league, the person will be forced to spend 24 hours locked at a table with one clause: for every pancake eaten, one hour is taken off the clock.
Right now, it’s looking like two guys in particular are at risk of having to make the trip to Denny’s. Ben R., who sits at 9th place and whose incredibly bad luck doesn’t seem to be slowing down, says “every week I can taste the pancakes just a little more.” Patrick R. is almost certain to be on the chopping block as he currently sits at a dismal last place with no sign of hope.
Good luck to those two!!
Image credit: https://www.espn.com/fantasy/football/